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The Words and What they Meant: Insecurity

Title: The Words and What they Meant: Insecurity
Rating: PG

Summary: Despite the faith they hold in others, the lengths they will go to prove someone else’s potential, whatever they do... it never feels like enough, and the failures hit that much harder.

Previous Words: Wow    Grey


Uncertainty.  Lacking confidence.

It's rare to find someone who would associate this word with either of them. But the truth is, they second-guess themselves a lot, wondering if they measure up, if they’re good enough.  Despite the faith they hold in others, the lengths they will go to prove someone else’s potential, whatever they do... it never feels like enough, and the failures hit that much harder.

Between the billion-dollar company, lavish property, and women falling at their feet to be with him, on the surface, Oliver Queen is a man on top of the world.  Yet, beneath the million-dollar smile and killer charm, there lies doubt, uncertainty.

With power comes responsibility, they say, but it’s more than that.  Expectations also come with being the leader of a company, of a team, and that position has its perks and difficulties.

His leadership status could be a reason why mistakes fall harder on his shoulders and why he holds guilt longer than most.  Then again, he also doesn’t want to let his parents, or his team, his friends, down.  So when the chips fall down without a visible sign of hope, the recovery stage is a slow one and it’s rare someone actually gets him to snap out of it. 

Yet she does. 

He never asked for help, never expected it, but she gives it nonetheless.  When she looks at him, she sees the accomplishments, the good he’s done.  She may acknowledge the mistakes, the downfalls, but she refuses to let him define himself through those events, picking him out of the gutter and allowing him to find himself back on top as Oliver Queen, back on the rooftops as Green Arrow.

To the rest of the world, Chloe Sullivan is just another face, but to him, she is the one in a million that gets him.  The fact that she is far from being a stranger to insecurity doesn't hurt.

Part of her insecurities lie with her beauty, or in her mind, lack of it.  Time after time, she was passed over, playing second fiddle to people in her life.  She may have achieved her dream job, but initially, it was a bribe and a betrayal.  Looking back, those were not the circumstances she wanted to achieve success.  The second time may have endured a happier tone, and she even found a man who loved her, but it doesn’t take too long before she blinks and it’s all gone.

Her job.  Her marriage.  Her best friend.  Her life.

All those years, she worked her butt off and it’s led her to being a shrink to the city’s heroes, all of whom had abandoned her.  That’s not to mention the two dead bodies and her best friend convinced that she wasn’t a good enough reason to stay, yet her cousin was a good enough reason to come back.

The confidence is there, but it’s superficial at best, as she feels herself inch closer to her breaking point.  The words she spoke to Emil ring in her head, wondering if she’s talking about more than just Oliver.

I'm not sure if you noticed, but the people who are the worst of taking care of themselves are the ones the world actually needs the most.

He certainly was terrible at taking care of himself, especially then.  Losing the man, gaining the caricature, it wasn’t a good look for him.  But Oliver wasn’t alone, as Chloe was more than guilty of this.  Get passed over enough, and insecurities pile up high.  Eventually, she becomes convinced that this is her role, to be the sidekick, the fly on the computer keyboard who magically appears in people’s lives when they need her, or when she thrusts herself into their lives.  It’s what she did with Oliver because one of them had to pull themselves together.

The team listened to him, he led them, but what Chloe never realized was that, in order to get their leader back, the team... they listened to her.  But underestimating her overall worth had become second nature to Chloe.

However, it was something that didn’t escape Oliver’s attention, as he quickly figured out the whole scheme and gave her credit and gratitude.  It was a team effort, but he acknowledged everything she must have done in the quietest thank you she had ever heard.

Her determination to bring him back, the strength in her voice as she dictated her belief in him, it was more than a lot of people were willing to give him in his entire life.  So he worked every day after that afternoon at Metro Cafe to ensure he returned the favour, even if she didn’t believe it.

After all, they were from two different worlds, and despite working together, Chloe never expected their friendship would change.  Not when he came back to Metropolis for Lois, even if she started dating Clark soon after Oliver declared his feelings.  Not when he flirted with Dinah on emails, even if he insisted they were casual.

Then again, she did wonder why he defended them at all. His correspondence with Dinah wasn’t her business, she was just... Chloe.

Yet she scared the life out of him.  One day, he would find out just how much he scared her, because he did more than notice her, he reminded her how much she mattered, even if it was only how much she mattered to him.  That reminder, it was the only way that she was able to trade herself for him.  For once, she had to believe she was more valuable than someone else... and it worked.

It’s the way she shows him how much he means to her, which he reciprocates again by admitting his dual identity, hoping that she would come back to him.  It didn't work, and there were days where Oliver would regret it, but when Chloe does return, and he tells her that he's accepting of what he has done, she informs him that he won't be alone anymore.

For while they may second-guess themselves apart, together, they know anything is possible.  Including finding a love that overcomes obstacles and their own baggage to become the most real thing they know.


Next word: Infinity


( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Jul. 26th, 2012 07:49 pm (UTC)
another nice shot in the series, Sera! :D
Jul. 31st, 2012 03:22 am (UTC)
Thank you Keiko! I appreciate the feedback.
Jul. 26th, 2012 11:13 pm (UTC)
Just FANTASTIC!!!!!! Congrats!!!!!!


Edited at 2012-07-29 01:59 pm (UTC)
Jul. 31st, 2012 03:24 am (UTC)
Thanks for the feedback and taking the time to translate this. I love reading the comments on your blog... everyone on there is truly too kind.
Aug. 2nd, 2012 09:29 pm (UTC)
Nice shot!! It's always a pleasure to read you.
Aug. 3rd, 2012 03:29 am (UTC)
Aw thank you! I really appreciate it.
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
Life's too short for frowning, so smile when you can :)

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